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Falling Apart
That’s how I feel. I literally just feel like everything is falling apart. Nothing is going the way that it’s supposed to. Nothing is right in my life right now. Something that is going right, might be that I don’t have a life threatening disease or a missing limb. Other than that, I feel pretty much like shit. This past week has really just been awful. My music career seems to be at a total utter standstill. Promises are made to me and nothing happens. Everyone questions me as to “What’s going on” Idk what the fuck is going on or why all of a sudden today, the song chosen to be my single got replaced with some shitty ass song that has an awful beat and lyrics. When the original single was supposed to be out fucking months ago. The boy that I’m in love with hasn’t contacted me in days, which has also put me into a rut. Because not talking to him or seeing him upsets me on such a deep level. It was also great seeing one of my “best friend’s” true colors this weekend when he called me a faggot about 50 times in one night and also bashed my music. I’m also sick of my straight guy friends making gay jokes to the extent where they’ve pushed the limits of what a joke is. It’s not funny anymore. It never was. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of my parents treating me like shit for no reason. Although my dad is getting me an apartment, he’s being a real dick about it. Tells me I need to get a job, while my music manager is telling me NOT to get a job. But of course he isn’t doing shit to make me money, so what the fuck would he propose. Things are not working out and I feel like giving up altogether on the entire thing and just searching for other options. Which will probably take ANOTHER 4 years to find someone who’s remotely interested in helping me out with my career. I’m sick of being lonely. I can’t let go of past feelings for anyone that I’ve ever had feelings for in my life, and they eat away at my insides every day. To see them all happily in new relationships and breaking up and immediately finding someone new that they “love” also tears me apart. Because for some reason, I can’t find shit in this world, nor someone to even give me the chance at ever finding love. I used to think, until just now, that I had a lot to offer a person, but maybe they can see that I’m just completely broken and falling apart. What happened to my confidence. What happened to me caring about myself. It’s been gone for years and I don’t know how to get it back. Waking up in the morning is a struggle. Putting a smile on for everyone everyday is becoming more and more difficult. I can’t keep pretending to be happy when all I really want to do is sleep and keep to myself. Nobody understands.
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My Current Look ;) Loving It. What Do You Think?
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I Really Need To…
Get Back On This Tumblr Thing! =( Sorry I have been so incredibly busy…I will reveal all very very VERY soon! =)
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Oh Guess What…
I have a single being released on the radio in less than 2 weeks…that’s all for now…just a little tease ;)
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Baltimore
TOMORROW I begin recording in Baltimore ;) It’s really just such a ridiculously long story I don’t even know where to begin. ALL I CAN SAY, Is you will be happy with the outcome and I cannot WAIT to share what I have in store with you all <3
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I’ve Been M.I.A…
And for THAT I apologize. I’ve been busy like I couldn’t even begin to explain. But since this is tumblr. I will. I’ve started and English class which is taking up quite some time. I’ve written 8 papers already and it hasn’t even been going on for that long. (Pain In My Ass) BUT I’ve been doing incredibly well in the class for whatever reason. I’ve gotten nothing lower than an 89. hollah. But as high as a 100! ;) I been doin’ it RIGHT. In other news…my music is about to explode………watch out ;)
Seriously.
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Happy Father’s Day
For Me, Father’s Day is an interesting day, because I have a son. Clearly lying. For Me, Father’s day is an interesting day because I don’t know who my real father is. Fact. All I know, is that he may not be alive. so. If he is. I hope I can one day meet him and thank him for giving me life. I am however, blessed with an adoptive father and THAT is who I call my dad. obviously. We haven’t had the best relationship. We’re extremely different people. But we’re working on that. He has provided most excellently for me and has basically been all that I could ask for in a dad. So Happy Father’s Day to him and every other deserving father out there!
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Me And My (Real) Brother’s Cat. He Is ADORABLE!!! (The Cat) So I’m in Symrna Delaware visiting my birth family. Tomorrow we’re going to Wild Wood Shore. (Apparently I can’t call it the beach because it’s not in Delaware, but in JERSEY. I’ve never been there. Hopefully it’s an experience.
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My New Cover Of “Kiss From A Rose” By Seal =) Hope You Enjoy! Oh yes. btw I’m a singer.
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Friends
Friends are shady little things. Involve yourself with good people and you’ll never run into this problem, HOWEVER, some are incredibly good at “putting on” that good friend front, and turn on you in an instant. Real friends are able to talk out issues. I’ve run into this numerous times, and it makes me wonder, what causes people to do this? Trust issues, maybe they got all they wanted and now they’re done? Maybe they have deep childhood issues with getting close to someone. If you are a friend stay in my life. If you are a foe. REMOVE yourself. Don’t bother faking the friendship first. It will save me the pain and the late nights wondering what happened. It hurts just as much every time a friend is lost over something that could be easily solved with a conversation and a coffee.
If you have to constantly work on trying to develop a new or current friendship. It’s most likely just not worth it. Friendship should be a two way street. Not a one way effort.